After a little more than 3 weeks of retirement I can feel myself starting to relax a bit. I think about work a lot less than I thought I would, although I’m still waking up too early most mornings. I still have lots of things on my “to do” list, but most are not time-critical and it is a good feeling to know that if I don’t get something done today there is always tomorrow.
It’s also been nice to do more things with Don – going out to breakfast or lunch, going to the gym or the beach, or just running errands – but at the same time we are still struggling to adjust to our new life and to find a schedule and a rhythm for our days and weeks.
When I was working Don managed to fill his days on his own initiative, or at least if he was just sitting around I didn’t know about it. I used to leave him with a to do list each day, and I still create a daily “honey do” list, but it is skimpier now that I am home and able to help with some of the chores so he is even more at loose ends.
I have exercise classes, dates to meet friends for coffee or lunch, and some volunteer activities that take me out of the house and plenty of projects I want to work on when I am at home, but he is struggling to figure out things to do while I am busy with “my stuff.” He has a couple of weekly exercise classes and a couple of monthly activities of his own, and we do some exercise classes and meetings together, but he still has much more unstructured time than I do and looks to me to help him fill his days. This translates to a lot more togetherness than I am used to!
My retired friends tell me that it took them up to a year to settle into a routine and schedule that worked for them, and may of them do not have partners, or their partners they don’t have the complication of Don’s short term memory and cognitive issues, which have made it harder for him to find activities that he enjoys. One friend who retired a couple of years ago but whose husband retired just a few weeks before I did tells me that they too are finding it a bit challenging to deal with all of the togetherness and to settle into a new routine, and her husband has a much more robust circle of guy-friends and activities/hobbies than Don does.
I guess I should not be surprised that we are struggling with these issues after only a few weeks, but for my own sanity I need to find a schedule that gives us a better balance of structured activity and down time, of time together and time apart. We need a rhythm to guide our days and weeks, and I need the grace to accept that this season of our lives will be one of more togetherness than I am used to and the awareness to treasure the time together knowing that it will someday end.